The Montgomery Center for Research in Child and Adolescent Development
What's the best way to discipline a child? Is the best way to discipline a girl also the best way to discipline a boy?
Child discipline is one area where current parenting dogma appears to be way off base. Today's parenting gurus -- Dr. Sears, T. Berry Brazelton, and the other monarchs of the nursery -- solemnly warn us about the terrible consequences of corporal punishment. Spank your child, and he or she is likely to grow up to be a criminal, a child abuser, or both, or worse.
Spanking is bad for all children, boys and girls alike. Or so the experts tell us.
In fact, the best research available shows that discipline techniques which work for young girls often do not work for young boys. And vice versa. Example. In 8-year-old girls, inductive reasoning is the most effective discipline technique. Discipline by inductive reasoning means helping your child to see her behavior from a different perspective. Suppose your daughter slaps another child. You say: "How would you feel if someone slapped you? Wouldn't that make you feel bad?" The daughter will agree: yes, that would make her feel bad.
Try that on an 8-year-old boy. You won't get very far. You say, "How would you feel if someone slapped you?" and the boy -- if he's confident that he can say what he thinks, instead of what the grown-up wants to hear -- might answer, "I'd slap him back! Then I'd punch him! Then I'd kick him! Then I'd sit on him! Then I'd choke him!"
That's not exactly what you had in mind.
In fact, spanking -- and other corporal punishment, judiciously administered by a loving parent -- appears to be the most effective punishment for boys, particularly boys ages 4 to 9. It does not appear to be a good choice for girls, as a rule. If you spank a girl, she's likely to stay upset and angry. She'll feel you are being unjust. She'll bear a grudge. What works for boys doesn't work for girls. And vice versa.
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